Why Prep

Hello Sandia Prep Community, 

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving break and enjoyed some downtime with family and friends. While much of my break was lovely, it did not begin that way. On the Sunday before Thanksgiving (why do these things always seem to happen on Sundays?), our family dog, Shadow, started acting very strange - he had been napping all day and then was making whining noises but seemed to be in a trance, not reacting at all to touch or noise. We took him to the emergency vet, and it was clear they were alarmed by his behavior as well.

He quickly became worse and was completely unresponsive. Meanwhile, one of our children was still at college, and the other was in an airport on a layover on her way home. We asked if there was any way to stabilize Shadow so we could bring him home at least until our whole family was back. They tried to do this, but his behavior continued to worsen, and he ultimately passed away later that evening.

Shadow was 13 years old, so I knew he might not be around much longer, but I certainly hadn’t expected such a sudden decline. When it became clear that he would not make it through the night, we did a video call with our kids so they could say goodbye.  It was a rough evening for everyone, but I’m glad they had the chance to see him one last time and say goodbye. And then, we had the bulk of the break to mourn together and celebrate what a wonderful dog he was. 

Many of you have met Shadow - I brought him to school on several occasions and had a gate in my office for when he was here. This is something I love about Prep - Shadow was welcomed with open arms by faculty, families, and, most importantly, students. I loved bringing him to school because I could see the joy he brought to many folks and how much he loved the multiple pets and cuddles he received throughout the day. As it turns out, research has shown that the very presence of dogs encourages groups of people to trust each other and cooperate. I also think we can look to dogs for some guidance in living our best lives. 

First, let’s talk about the power of small moments and truly living in the moment. Who does this better than dogs? Whether he was chasing a ball into the water, getting rubbed behind the ears, or sniffing at every other plant on a walk, Shadow took the time to enjoy every moment. And when I dig deeper, I find that this ability to live in the present is such a gift. If I accidentally stepped on his tail or fed him later than usual, he might yelp or whine at that moment, but then he’d move on. No dwelling in the past nor pining for the future for him. 

Second, let’s investigate the importance of play. This can be hard for adults to remember, but play is important for all of us, no matter what age we are. When we engage in play, it boosts our sense of well-being, helps us deal with stress, and improves our physical health. Dogs help remind us of this. When Shadow and his best buddy, Ashley, got together, it was easy to forget Shadow was 13 since they played nonstop - chasing each other, wrestling, and exploring.

Finally, our dogs love us unconditionally. This makes us feel good - who doesn’t want to be loved unconditionally? And they can remind us to love our own children this way. You’ve likely heard me mention Julie Lythcott-Haims, who wrote the book How to Raise an Adult (I highly recommend it). In the book and in several talks and interviews she’s given, she points to two things parents can do to help their kids succeed in later life - it’s not about good grades, getting into the top-ranked colleges, or being a star athlete or performer. The two things are: 1) Having your kids do chores, and 2) Loving your kids unconditionally. We think we do this with our kids, but it’s easy to let expectations and judgment seep in. For me, seeing how much Shadow loved my kids helped give me perspective and reminded me to give them that same unconditional love.

Shadow was a huge part of my family’s life for the last thirteen years, and there is no way not to be sad about his passing. I’m thankful for the life he led, for the love he gave me, and, most importantly, for the lessons I learned from him.