Over the Garden Wall

Encouraging Resilience: The Space Between Comfort and Overwhelm

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 05:00:00 +0000

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

It’s hard to believe we are more than halfway through the school year. The year so far has been filled with activity and energy, and our students are actively engaged in classes, sports, arts, and activities. Hopefully, the recent winter break allowed them some time to relax and rejuvenate.

Over the last several months, I have found myself returning to the same question when I’m visiting classes or watching athletic competitions or performances: What do our students need from us now? What will set them up for success in the future, both tomorrow and five, ten, even twenty years from now?

I’ve spoken frequently about the rapidly changing world and how that has shifted what will be most helpful for our students. A growing body of research around developmental psychology, neuroscience, and education points to a clear answer: in a constantly changing landscape shaped by uncertainty, resilience can no longer be viewed as a secondary outcome. Instead, it is a foundational capacity that our students need to learn, practice, and experience over time.

In the past, resilience was viewed as simply a synonym for grit, toughness, or endurance. But recent research from the American Psychological Association and other researchers studying adolescent development increasingly describes resilience as a set of learnable skills: adaptability, emotional regulation, purpose, and the ability to recover and learn from setbacks.

This notion aligns with conversations we have been having as a faculty. When we talk about reinforcing relationships, making time for reflection, and expanding experiential education, we are working to create conditions in which students can practice these skills in real time, with real support. Resilience grows not when students are protected from challenge but when they feel known when facing it.

Research shows that resilience grows in that space between comfort and overwhelm. When there is not enough challenge, students don’t develop confidence. But when there is too much, they shut down. The key is finding that area that is uncomfortable but not overwhelming. Schools play a critical role in discovering this balance. We work to provide meaningful challenge, not just rigor for rigor’s sake; opportunities for reflection, so students can make sense of difficulties and strategies to overcome them; and real-world learning, where outcomes are not always predictable. And, most importantly, our faculty put themselves out there, normalizing struggle and modeling responses to setbacks.

This work is visible in classrooms, on the athletic fields and courts, on stage, in advisory, and in the Impact Lab. Students are engaging with authentic problems, learning that iteration, feedback, and even failure are part of the learning process. When students encounter difficulties, the message isn’t just about trying harder, it’s about reflecting on what happened and using that understanding to try differently.

Parents often ask how they can best support their children to develop resilience. It’s challenging to watch our kids struggle, and we are often tempted to come to the rescue. Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult, reminds us that when we step in too quickly, we signal to our kids that we don’t believe they can handle difficulties themselves, and they don’t get the chance to develop that resilience that is so instrumental. Still, this doesn’t mean that we need to step back entirely. Instead, research points to small shifts rather than big interventions. The more we can ask curious questions, help our kids name how they are feeling, share stories of our own missteps and challenges, and emphasize growth and learning over outcomes, the more we can support them in facing obstacles with curiosity and confidence.

Many of our students will navigate careers that don’t even exist yet, will need to solve problems that don’t have clear answers, and will be leaders in increasingly complex communities. Academic preparation and skills matter. But resilience is what allows students to use what they know when things don’t go according to plan. In other words, they’ll know what to do when they don’t know what to do.

As a community - school and parents together - we have an opportunity to send a powerful message to our students: struggle is not equivalent to failure. It is a normal, expected, and valuable part of learning. When students believe that, they don’t just persist, they thrive.

Students performing onstage in "Beetlejuice JR"

Teacher helping student in classroom

Science teacher working with student in lab

Teacher working with student in French class

Students working in robotics class

Girls cross-country team

Girls smiling during activity in classroom

Belonging + Balance = Thriving Students

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 04:00:00 +0000

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

I hope you are having a great fall so far. I love feeling the cooler, crisper weather in the mornings - it’s a sign of things to come. We have been back at school for more than a month, and, as always, there is a lot of campus activity. Students are busy in classes, on the courts and fields, in the theater, and everywhere else on campus.

The other day, I was talking with a group of students who signed up for the “Prep Ambassadors” activity. For this activity, they will work with the Admission team to become experts on the school and then will lead tours and information sessions for prospective families. They were excited about this responsibility and were brainstorming what they wanted to share about their experiences. I loved seeing how excited they were to share their love of the school with others - it was clear they felt known and needed for this job. In other words, they felt like they belonged.

Why is belonging important in education? Psychologists like Abraham Maslow have long shown that belonging is a basic human need - just after safety and before achievement on the hierarchy of needs. Without a sense of belonging, it is difficult for anyone - especially young people - to take the risks necessary for growth and learning. Research backs this up: students with a strong sense of belonging are more motivated, more engaged, and more resilient. In fact, studies have shown that belonging can be as strong a predictor of persistence and success as GPA. In other words, when students feel like they belong, they are more likely to stretch themselves, rebound from setbacks, and achieve at higher levels.

At Sandia Prep, we cultivate belonging by design, and we do so through balance. Our “Five A’s” - academics, arts, athletics, activities, and atmosphere - give students multiple pathways to discover what they love and what they are good at. For some, that sense of belonging is built in the classroom, mastering a challenging subject. For others, it is stepping into the spotlight in the theater, leading a team on the soccer field, or finding their voice in student government. I recall one student who initially struggled to find his place until he discovered his love for student government. That discovery gave him confidence and a sense of identity that carried into all of his classes.

Belonging at Prep is also about community. Our small size ensures that each student is known, while our traditions, advisory program, and culture of care knit students into something larger than themselves. And balance matters here, too: the rhythm of our days and programs is designed to challenge students while also giving them space to connect, reflect, and grow in healthy ways. This reflects one of our core Strategic Priorities: creating a Community of Wholeness where every member thrives and has an indispensable role.

When students feel at home here—seen, known, and celebrated—they are not only successful at Prep but also prepared to thrive in the wider world. Belonging at Sandia Prep is paired with balance: the balance of the Five A’s that challenges students to discover what they love and what they are good at, without losing sight of joy and wellbeing. This combination of belonging and balance is what prepares our students for both immediate impact and lifelong purpose.

With the Zeal of a Convert: Why I Love Sandia Prep

Fri, 18 Jul 2025 04:00:00 +0000

July 18, 2025

A guest blog post from Director of College Counseling Pablo Torres

I didn’t expect to fall in love with Sandia Prep when I applied for this job. But here we are, one year later, and I can unequivocally say, “I love this school.” Growing up in a family that valued education over anything else, and then working most of my adult life in university admissions, I am a fan of independent schools. For a long time (mostly through my work in college admissions), I thought of Sandia Prep as a good school, but I wasn’t sure of specific reasons why. Intuitively, I knew that Sandia Prep offered its students a solid college preparatory education. But what exactly made Prep different from other schools? What makes it not just good, but great?

Soon after arriving at Prep last year as the new Director of College Counseling, I learned about the “5 A's” and I thought to myself, “surely, the 'A' for academics must be the most important of the five?” And yes, as a school, academics are paramount. However, I have since come to realize that the “A” for “atmosphere” is the foundation, the bedrock “A” upon which all the other “A’s” are able to grow out from and flourish.

Prep’s school community has an incredibly unique and happy spirit. There is a positive energy here that I did not experience as a student at another independent school across town, nor is it something I encountered when I worked at yet another one of New Mexico’s independent schools located up north. This is not to say that those other schools are not good schools; in fact, they are fantastic schools. I believe most independent schools are excellent. Sandia Prep’s culture, however, is special. There is something lovely and kind in the air here. And this thing, this atmosphere, makes our students incredibly cool people. Sandia Prep is successful in cultivating a sense of freedom for each student to be their own unique self, to explore their own varied interests, and to do so with minimal judgment from peers (not that there is complete zero judgment, or peer-pressure here, these are teenagers after all). There is just a genuine sense of community infusing everything here that values the joy of learning and creates special days that feel almost like holidays, throughout the school year, to honor and celebrate this joyful way of learning.

Lion & Unicorn Day, Color Day, grade-level camps, Outdoor Leadership Program trips, student-led fundraisers for local nonprofits, etc. etc. I was surprised to learn that even the rather mundane task of having each class of students move from one assigned seating area to another at the end-of-year assembly is called “Bleacher Day” and it is another one of Prep’s school-wide celebrations with student-curated music playing through the loudspeakers. Frequently, I find myself thinking, “What a cool school!” And indeed, it’s not just cool; it's magical.

Sandia Prep students are also serious about academics. They have a 100% college acceptance rate. I’m happy to report that I have met many bright, motivated, and high-achieving students at Prep. The difference is that students here are mostly self-driven and inwardly competitive. Overall, Prep students are not “cut-throat,” they don’t see their classmates as their academic competitors who must be crushed. They applaud each other for their unique, varied interests and talents. Lions help Unicorns, and Unicorns assist Lions. In Prep students, I feel a great sense of hope for the future. This is a place that inspires me to know that learning can be both serious and fun. This is not a zero-sum game. We can have fun even when learning is challenging.

As the Director of College Counseling, I see my role as an “older learner” with a duty to point out potential bumps in the road ahead for our adolescent students. But I also have the awesome duty to point out opportunities. Each student is embarking on the college application journey for the first time. It is incredibly exciting, and it is my hope to assist them to find the fun in the process, rather than dwell on the anxiety-inducing challenges of taking the SAT or getting an admission denial letter (those things can’t always be avoided). Sandia Prep students have incredible opportunities available to them. In the Office of College Counseling, we are here to assist them to find confidence in forging their own, unique journeys ahead– and to do so in the joyful, “Prep way” that I’ve discovered exists at this school because of the “A” for “atmosphere.”

Moving forward in Sandia Prep’s Office of College Counseling, we are working with an unofficial motto of “College Counseling from Day One,” with our office doors always open to meet with students 1:1 and with all Prep families to discuss their ideas and concerns regarding the college application process. We offer students raffle prizes at our college nights, we assist students to think through and plan projects, to build up their resumes and their self-esteem, and to become leaders. I am not here to squash any student’s college dream (I have a hard rule for myself to never tell students that they should not apply somewhere. Yes, even if it’s Harvard). Gatekeepers and naysayers are not allowed in this College Counseling Office. We are here to help inspire students to achieve their goals and practice using their voices. And to do so with the foundation of joy, like a propeller, under each of their endeavors. This is key, it is central, and it is serious. Finding the joy in learning is important to not just getting through, and graduating from Sandia Prep… but it is perhaps the most important preparation we can offer our students to live a good life, for the rest of their lives. We can be learners for the rest of our lives, and doing so should always bring us joy.

“With the zeal of a convert,” I love this school, and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have to be here each day in the company of the coolest students of any independent school in New Mexico. Go Sundevils! And Prep parents, join the College Counseling book club.

The Power and Possibility of Liminal Moments

Wed, 23 Apr 2025 04:00:00 +0000

April 23, 2025

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

I hope you have had a great April so far. A few weeks ago, we had our spring vacation, and I had the amazing opportunity to travel with my daughter in Italy and Spain, visiting sites I studied over 30 years ago in my art history classes in college. Not only was I awed by seeing some of these works in person (Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel and David, in particular), but I was grateful to spend time with my daughter at this time in her life.

The trip, however, was a whirlwind, and we found ourselves constantly moving from one place to another, finding it difficult to feel truly settled. Whether we were rushing to catch a train, waiting in line in the rain to see Roman ruins, or carrying our luggage up four flights of stairs, we were often in between places, rather than in them. Rather than feeling frustrated by this discomfort, I sought to embrace it. I also realized that this in-between place was a perfect analogy to my daughter’s situation: she was finished with her program abroad but had not yet started her spring term. She was finished but not finished. It was a moment of transition—unsettling and uncertain, yet also full of possibility.

There’s actually a name for this kind of space: “liminal.” Victor Turner, a British cultural anthropologist, built on the work of Arnold van Gennep, a German ethnographer and folklorist, who first introduced the idea of liminality, associated with rites of passage. Turner writes about the power of liminality in human experience, arguing that these threshold moments -- when individuals are neither in one place nor another -- can be deeply transformative. He also noted that when people go through liminal experiences together, they create what he called “communitas.” Essentially, the idea is that when people navigate the unknown together, they form an intense bond.

I love the idea of embracing these moments and recognizing them for what they are -- powerful opportunities to be introspective, to be vulnerable, and to connect with others. I’d venture to guess that if I ask you to look back at a moment when you felt truly connected to someone else, many of you would come up with moments of liminality. And so while I could tell my daughter was not quite feeling herself, I encouraged her to lean in and to open up, looking more at the possibilities than the limits of this time.

The student experience at Sandia Prep is full of liminal spaces, especially when you think of rites of passage. When students begin here in sixth grade, they are transitioning into middle school, and a few short years later, they make the transition to high school. And our seniors feel like their entire final year is a liminal space with so many unknowns as they apply for college. These are big liminal spaces, but liminality also happens in smaller ways: the moment before a student understands a complex concept, the pause before a student speaks up in a discussion -- really any time someone steps into an unfamiliar situation. These are the spaces where deep learning happens -- where students learn to tolerate ambiguity, build resilience, and forge connections with others who are going through a similar experience.

I’m sure you may have seen graphics or read about the idea of moving out of one’s comfort zone for learning to happen. While there may be discomfort, when students push themselves to do something different, those are the moments they remember. At Sandia Prep, we embrace these moments as opportunities for learning and growth. Liminality may be uncomfortable, but it is also where transformation occurs. When we support students in these in-between moments, we prepare them not only for their next academic step, but for a lifetime of navigating change with grace, resilience, and a sense of purpose.

As I observed my daughter during our trip, I was reminded that this is where growth happens: in that place between what was and what will be. It can be scary, but embracing these moments is a wonderful lesson for our students and children.

Head of School Heather B. Mock with her daughter in Italy

Here's an example of transition being full of possibility: We unexpectedly ran into some Prep colleagues on a side street in the middle of Florence!

What Lights Them Up Inside: Helping Students Develop a Sense of Purpose

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 05:00:00 +0000

January 20, 2025

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

Happy 2025! I hope you all had a wonderful winter break and have enjoyed a great start to the new year. I was happy to spend some time outdoors with my family, walking, skiing, running, and hiking. I’m so grateful to live in a part of the world where we have easy access to get outside and am looking forward to exploring even more of what New Mexico has to offer in the coming months and years. I’ve always found that the time I spend outdoors leads to moments of clarity, inspiration, and purpose.

Like most people, I like to use the new year as an opportunity to reflect on the previous years and make plans and goals for the years ahead. When I look back over my career in education, I find a common thread going all the way back to my days in graduate school, and that is the importance of authentic, purpose-driven experiences. I remember for my Master’s thesis at Columbia, I wrote that in education, the goal should not be solely to teach content but rather to use content as a tool through which to teach skills and mindsets.

In 2010, Heidi Hayes Jacobs published Curriculum 21: Essential Education for a Changing World, which addressed the best ways to prepare students for their future. In her book, she argued that employers are not looking for the people who have memorized the most material but rather people who can grapple with ideas, who can work together, who can think creatively. She called these skills “21st Century Skills.” I completely agreed with everything she said when I heard her speak, though I was amused that a) we were already a tenth of the way into the 21st century and b) I had written something similar for my aforementioned thesis (in the 20th century), and John Dewey argued similarly nearly a century earlier. The reasoning, however, was particular to the time period: since students now had greater access to information through the internet, it was even more necessary to cultivate the skills to work with that information.

Less than a decade after Curriculum 21 was published, educators began using the term “Fourth Industrial Revolution,” an era that we are still in. As the name implies, this means there have been three industrial revolutions before this. The first occurred in the 18th century with the advent of steam power. The second, at the turn of the 20th century, involved mass production and adoption of early technology. The 1970s ushered in the third with an enormous increase in computer and internet use. And the fourth, which is occurring right now, involves artificial intelligence and automation. Essentially, we have been able to create machines that can do many of the jobs we used to need humans to do, and so the kinds of jobs that exist now are vastly different than even 20 years ago and will be even more different in 20 years. The World Economic Forum just published their latest “Future of Jobs Report,” which lists core skills needed in 2025 as follows: analytical thinking; resilience, flexibility, and agility; leadership and social influence; creative thinking; motivation and self-awareness; technological literacy; empathy and active listening; and curiosity and lifelong learning. As artificial intelligence expands its abilities, the skills needed from humans are increasingly, well, human.

Even before we knew how prevalent artificial intelligence would become, Sandia Prep has believed in developing these skills, and this is, I know, why I was drawn first to teach here in the 1990s and later to return to lead the school in 2022. Prep has always viewed students as whole humans and has believed in them and their ability to make a mark. One way we have done that is to encourage students to discover a sense of purpose. Purpose provides a lens through which students can view their education at Prep not as a series of isolated classes or assignments but as an interconnected journey with real-world implications. It gives meaning to the knowledge and skills they acquire, tying them to something larger than themselves.

At Sandia Prep, we believe that helping students find purpose is not a secondary goal of education—it’s central to everything we do. Our proposed Impact Lab is a perfect example of how this philosophy can be effectively put into practice. Through the Lab, students will engage with real-world problems, collaborate with community partners, and see firsthand how their ideas and efforts can make a difference. These experiences are designed not only to build skills but also to help students understand how their passions can translate into meaningful contributions to the world around them.

Of course, finding purpose is not just about academics or career preparation. It’s also deeply tied to self-awareness and personal fulfillment. One of the greatest gifts we can give our students is the time and space to explore who they are, what they care about, and how they want to make an impact. Whether through outdoor education, service projects, artistic endeavors, or simply moments of quiet reflection, we aim to provide a wide array of opportunities for students to discover what lights them up inside.

After reading and reflecting about how important purpose is in our lives, I enlisted the help of our podcast crew from SPRI (Sandia Prep Radio International) to embark on a little experiment. We roamed around campus and asked several students and faculty a question: If you could wave a magic wand to change one thing that would make the world better, what would you change? We received all sorts of answers, from slowing climate change to ending homelessness to instilling peace worldwide. We then asked a follow-up question: What’s one small step you can take towards that change? As it turns out, this activity has been proven to help people feel a sense of hope and a sense of purpose. The big picture question helps them clarify what’s important to them, and the follow-up question helps them feel a sense of purpose - the feeling that they can make a difference, even when it comes to large-scale issues. If you’d like to listen to that podcast, here’s the link.

As we launch into 2025, I hope we all -- students, parents, faculty, and alumni -- can reflect on the role purpose plays in our own lives. What motivates us? What gives us a sense of direction? How can we use our unique skills and talents to contribute to our communities? These are questions worth revisiting at every stage of life, and there is no better time to start than now. And, I’d like to invite you to partner with us in this work. As we expand our programs to include even more purpose-driven experiences like the Impact Lab, we rely on the support of our community to bring these opportunities to life. If you’re interested in learning more or getting involved, I’d love to hear from you.

Thank you for being part of this incredible journey with us. Together, we can help our students discover their purpose and prepare them not just for the world as it is, but for the world they will create.

Strengthening Bonds: How Building Deeper Relationships Fosters a True Sense of Belonging

Tue, 12 Nov 2024 05:00:00 +0000

November 12, 2024

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

It’s difficult to believe we are already in the month of November and even had a snow day! It’s been a fantastic start to the year in many ways - students are diving into their classes, sports, and activities with passion and excitement. There’s an energy on campus that’s palpable, a buzz of discovery and engagement that reminds us of the immense potential within each of our students. But no matter how passionate or capable they are, we know that academic and personal success is built on something deeper: the relationships they form with the adults in their lives.

One thing we believe strongly at Prep is the importance of every student having at least one trusted adult on campus - someone they can turn to, confide in, and rely on. As we strive to reinforce relationships, our first Strategic Priority, we recognize that these connections aren’t just a nice extra - they’re foundational to our students’ well-being and achievement. Research supports what many of us know intuitively: students who have at least one trusted adult at school are more engaged, feel safer, and perform better academically. According to a 2020 study by America’s Promise Alliance, students with a supportive adult at school are also more likely to report a sense of belonging, which can be a protective factor against stress, anxiety, and other challenges young people face today.

Building these important relationships doesn’t happen by chance - it requires intentional effort, thoughtful structures, and a culture that places relationships at the heart of the educational experience. One change we made this year to support relationships was implementing a new schedule. After surveying students and faculty, our scheduling task force determined that while long class periods have some benefits, the downside was that teachers and advisors saw their students too infrequently, making it more challenging to form strong connections. The new schedule still provides a good length of time for classes (one hour) while allowing students to have more regular, meaningful interactions with their teachers and advisors.

This increased face time provides opportunities for adults on campus to check in with students more frequently, thus keeping a closer eye on how they are doing, not just academically, but emotionally and socially as well. These regular meetings are vital, especially for students who might otherwise slip through the cracks. By prioritizing time for connection, we’re sending a clear message: every student matters, and every relationship is valued.

In the classroom, our teachers are more than academic instructors - they are mentors, listeners, and advocates. They create an environment in which students feel safe to ask questions, to take risks, and to grow. Outside of class, teachers attend games, performances, and events, cheering their students on. When we show up for our students in multiple ways, we show them that we care about them as human beings, not simply as students in our classes.

And speaking of athletics and performances, this emphasis on relationships extends to all of our Five A’s. Coaches, directors, and activity leaders, much like teachers, play roles in our students’ lives that extend far beyond teaching a craft or a sport, and these adults form crucial bonds with students that live on after the season or school year is over. Additionally, many members of our staff and administration take the time to get to know students individually, whether through leading an activity, coaching a sport, or even through more casual interaction. I cherish the visits students make to my office for Mock Talks (candy and conversation) or the chats I have with them on the sidelines at games. These seemingly small moments have helped me get to know these students better. I want to be sure they know they can come to me and share whatever is on their mind.

As we move through the school year, I encourage everyone - students, parents, alumni, faculty, and staff - to reflect on the importance of our relationships with one another. Relationships are the heart of everything we do at Prep. When students know they have someone they can trust, they feel more confident, more resilient, and more willing to take the risks that lead to growth.

As I walk through campus each day, I see these relationships in action - in a teacher offering an encouraging word, a coach celebrating a hard-fought game, or a student confiding in a trusted mentor. It reminds me that this work is never ‘done’; it’s woven into the very fabric of our school, evolving as each new student and teacher leaves their mark. In a world that can often feel disconnected, these relationships provide stability, encouragement, and a sense of belonging that is crucial to our students’ development. It is our goal to ensure that every student feels seen, heard, and supported throughout their journey here. Here’s to the year ahead and to the relationships that make it all meaningful.

Best,

Heather

On Living a Joyous and Purposeful Life

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 04:00:00 +0000

August 12, 2024

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

Welcome to the 2024-2025 school year! I feel like we were just celebrating the Class of 2024 and sending our students off for the summer. And yet here we are back at school and already immersed in all of the things that differentiate Sandia Prep as an amazing school.

As I mentioned in the recent Weekly Wrap-Up, I read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl over the summer. I also had the chance to revisit an all-time favorite, Ross Gay’s The Book of Delights. So much of both of these books resonate with my philosophy on living my best life (and an attitude I aim to instill in our Sandia Prep students).

Let’s begin with Frankl. Man’s Search for Meaning offers profound insights that are especially relevant for our school community. Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, emphasizes a powerful idea: while we cannot always control what happens to us, we have the freedom to choose our response. This concept holds immense value for both our personal lives and our educational environment.

Frankl’s experiences in concentration camps taught him that even in the most harrowing circumstances, one can find meaning and maintain a sense of inner freedom. He writes, "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." This lesson is crucial for all of us: our students, faculty and staff, parents, and alumni. Life will inevitably present us with challenges, but it is our response to these challenges that defines us.

A central theme in Frankl’s work is the importance of finding purpose in life. He believed that having a clear sense of purpose is essential for mental and emotional well-being. For our students, this means seeking out experiences that not only enrich their own lives but also allow them to have a positive impact on others. Whether it’s through community service, leadership roles, or personal relationships, we encourage our students to find their purpose by engaging in meaningful activities that contribute to the greater good. By finding meaning in every situation, they can transform hardship into personal development and strength.

Frankl also speaks of the idea that meaning can be found in small moments. Even when he was in despair, he found solace in imagining his beloved wife, in admiring a beautiful sunset, and in acts of mercy like receiving an extra crust of bread.

Almost 75 years later, Ross Gay’s The Book of Delights offers a refreshing perspective on finding joy in everyday moments. Gay’s year-long practice of noting daily delights reminds us of the importance of mindfulness and gratitude. He discovers that delight is often found in the simplest of things – a shared laugh, a blooming flower, or a kind gesture. His reflections remind us to appreciate the present and to find joy amidst the busyness of life.

Integrating Gay’s practice into our lives can have a transformative impact. Keeping a journal of daily delights can help us cultivate a positive outlook as well as resilience. Just like Frankl, Gay teaches us through his essays that while we may not control all aspects of our lives, we can choose to focus on the positives and find joy in small, everyday experiences.

As we enter this new school year at Sandia Prep, I hope to embrace these lessons from Frankl and Gay and to encourage others to do so as well. This can be a difficult idea for adolescents to grasp, but I hope to instill in them the idea that they hold the power to shape their responses to life’s challenges and to find meaning and delight in every day. By doing so, they equip themselves not only with the tools to succeed academically but also with the resilience and joy needed to lead fulfilling lives.

Viktor Frankl says, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” And as Ross Gay reminds us, delight is always within reach, waiting to be noticed and cherished. Together, these insights offer a powerful blueprint for a meaningful and joyous life. Sandia Prep’s mission states, “The joy of learning and living is at the center of all we do.” These two authors remind us how important that is.

I’d love to end with a section of one of Ross Gay’s essays because it illustrates beautifully why joy is such an integral part of our mission: “

“Because in trying to articulate what, perhaps, joy is, it has occurred to me that among other things - the trees and the mushrooms have shown me this - joy is the mostly invisible, the underground union between us, you and me, which is, among other things, the great fact of our life and the lives of everyone and thing we love going away. If we sink a spoon into that fact, into the duff between us, we will find it teeming. It will look like all the books ever written. It will look like all the nerves in a body. We might call it sorrow, but we might call it a union, one that, once we notice it, once we bring it into the light, might become flower and food. Might be joy.”

Here’s to a joyous, rich, and meaningful school year!

All the best,

Heather

Make Choices that Work for You: Words to the Class of 2024

Thu, 30 May 2024 04:00:00 +0000

May 29, 2024

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

Happy summer! It’s hard to believe we have come to the end of the year. And what a year it’s been. All of our students have been actively engaged in the Five A’s - Academics, Arts, Athletics, Activities, and the Atmosphere, and it’s been so fun seeing them grow over the course of the year. It’s been especially rewarding getting to know our senior class and seeing them explore their passions and interests through the Odyssey Scholars Program and the Senior Capstone Experience. And then to get the chance to hand them their diplomas as they walk across the stage was a pure delight. I know they leave Sandia Prep truly prepared and ready to take on the world - and have fun doing it!

Some of you have asked me to share what I shared with the Class of 2024 at graduation, so I’m including the text below. I hope you all have a summer that has the perfect combination of relaxation and adventure. I enjoy the slower pace of the summer - it’s a time to read, to talk with colleagues and other school leaders, and to think. And of course it’s a time to plan for the year ahead - August will be here before we know it.

All the best,

Heather

Hello, everyone. Thank you all for being here - families, faculty, and, of course, the Class of 2024. I’m thrilled to be here with you to celebrate this important milestone. I hope that as I speak, you’ll be able to take some time to reflect on your journey - remembering how far you've come to get where you are today. And I hope you’ll have some time to think about the future - where you are going and what you hope to accomplish. And finally, I hope you’ll be able to think about the present - to truly be in the present and relish this moment.

Let’s begin by looking back to 2006, when you were just being born. The Winter Olympics took place in Turin, Italy, the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie topped the charts, and Pluto, which had been considered a planet, got a downgrade, being named a dwarf planet. I have to admit, I’m still Team Pluto. Meanwhile, something much more important was happening for all of you. You were beginning to experience the world, and the journey that brought you to this point had begun. With each door you opened and each path you walked down, you learned something new, and you began to grow. You learned, after many games of peekaboo, that when you cover your eyes with your hands, you’re not actually making the world disappear. You learned that playing with a present isn’t nearly as fun as playing with the box that holds that present. And most importantly, you learned that there were people around you who would always be there for you; people who love you unconditionally and would do anything for you. Those people, your families, are sitting here today, and I want you to take a moment to look over to them, and to silently thank them for all they have done for you. And be sure to give them a huge hug when this is over.

As you entered kindergarten in 2011, the final Harry Potter movie came out - I hope you weren’t watching it when you were five, but I hope you have seen it (or more importantly, read all of the books - best books ever) since then. Meanwhile, you were all discovering passions of your own. Some of you picked up a tennis racquet for the first time and felt a thrill, while others went on your first hike, and still others built intricate Lego designs. As you explored these new paths, you took some detours and sometimes strayed down the wrong path, but each adventure and each mistake helped you grow. Through these experiences, you developed a stronger sense of self. And through it all, those same people I mentioned earlier were there, and this time there were more: teachers, coaches, and friends in addition to your family. They helped you up when you fell down, they gave you a shoulder to cry on, and they reminded you that they believed in you, no matter what.

And then you hit middle school. Many of you began that journey here at Prep, and others would join us later. When I interviewed each of you the night of the senior lock-in, a number of you spoke of experiences in middle school as turning points. One of you said that the Great Sand Dunes trip was the most memorable moment because you were there with your best friends. Another of you spoke of your eighth-grade math teacher, who helped you see math in a way you never had before. Another of you told me of your very first day, walking around at lunch, not knowing where to go, and being invited by a group of friends to join them. You said you had never experienced such openness and kindness before. An overarching theme of so many of your responses involved connections with people. Whether you spoke of lifelong friendships or impactful teachers, it was clear to me that the relationships you’ve developed in your time at Prep have been invaluable in shaping who you are.

And of course, your middle school experience ended in a bizarre way, with the onset of a global pandemic. You missed out on the typical end of middle school and start of upper school experiences. And yet, you persevered, and the world gradually returned to a new normal. Throughout upper school, the relationships you have developed with your teachers and friends have helped get you through the harder moments and made the fun moments all the more fun.

And then we arrived at senior year. We started the year at senior camp, an experience that I’ve learned was particularly meaningful for many of you. Perhaps it was the free time you had in the pool. Perhaps it was the conversations during the campfire. Or perhaps it was the karaoke (that’s what it was for me!). Actually, I think it was all of those things - just having the chance to be, and to be together, as you launched into your final year.

I have had the great pleasure to get to know all of you over the last two years and to work more closely with you this past year on your Senior Capstone Experience. I can say without hesitation that you are extraordinary human beings. Your interests have developed into full-blown passions, and your ideas have become ideals. The other evening, when I watched your Odyssey Scholar and Senior Capstone Experience presentations, my heart soared. Every single one of you had an opportunity to explore something you love or are interested in pursuing. Some of you looked at careers - in museum education, medicine, law, and mortuary science, to name a few. And some of you created - making skis, paintings, videos, and furniture. Whatever you did, you did it with gusto, and you reflected on the experience thoroughly and thoughtfully.

I spoke with many of you during and after your presentations, and I asked you about your biggest takeaway from your experiences. Some of you mentioned ideas about future careers or hobbies. Others reflected on skills gained and habits understood (procrastination came up a lot). And still others talked about the people you encountered and connections you had made.

As I have thought about it, I realized what my biggest takeaway was, and I think it’s a takeaway not just from these experiences but from your time at Prep. On the one hand, you’ve all gone through these last seven years together, experiencing similar things and creating these amazing relationships. On the other hand, you each bring something new to the whole - whether you’re the star athlete or the avid fan; the guitar aficionado or the expert rock climber; the budding microbiologist or the budding novelist. You’ve created this beautiful, complicated ecosystem of the Class of 2024, and each of you, by being you, plays a key role.

As you head into this next chapter of your life, I hope you can remember to be yourselves. You’ll be in situations where people are asking you to be something you’re not, and the more you can stay true to who you are, the stronger you will become. My hope for you is that you can live your lives deliberately – really taking the time to make choices that work for you. After all, Taylor Swift tells us, “Just be yourself, there is no one better.” You didn’t think I would go through this whole speech without a Taylor Swift reference, did you?

I also hope you will remember you all have an incredible network of support. Your families, your teachers, your coaches, and your friends are all looking out for you. And knowing when to ask for help is a crucial skill. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need extra guidance.

Finally, I don’t just hope, I know that you will go on to do great things. I can’t wait to see what those will be in the years to come. I know I’ll hear about published books, art openings, and exciting scientific discoveries, just to name a few. I hope you’ll come visit and share your highs and your lows (because those will happen, too, and those are, again, part of what makes you you). All of you will get the chance to continue to explore your passions, and when you combine this with being yourself and getting support from others, the sky's the limit. Congratulations to the Class of 2024!

The Rewards of Embracing Uncertainty

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

I hope you are enjoying the transformation from winter to spring that occurs in April. I have loved hearing more birds chirping in the morning and seeing the buds on the trees. Plus, the many bulbs we planted in late fall have been coming up. What a beautiful time of year!

I think one of the reasons we love spring is the inevitability of it. Even when things look darkest, we know that, after December 21, the sun will be setting a little bit later each day, the grass will turn greener, baby animals will be born, and we will feel a sense of starting anew. I also think this is why we educators love working in schools. Every year is a chance to try something new and to connect with a whole new group of students. I was talking with a teacher about this recently - someone asked them if they ever found it redundant, teaching the same subject year after year. And they said no, because it’s all about the kids, and every year, the kids are different, so the teaching is different, too. While there may be some predictability in the content, the way students respond will vary based on their interests, the class dynamics, and the relationships developed. So perhaps this balance between inevitability and variety is what makes the work so exciting.

It can be challenging in our lives to lean into unpredictability. When we know what to expect, we feel more comfortable. When my son was younger, he took this feeling to the extreme. He wanted no part of a new experience if he didn’t have a fairly good idea of what would be coming his way. His Montessori preschool was opening up an elementary school, and his class was set to take a field trip to visit the new school so they could check it out. Imagine my surprise when the teacher called me to arrange alternate care for that day because Oliver had told her he wouldn’t be participating. But then I realized it made perfect sense - he had no idea what to expect, and all of the possibilities were just too overwhelming. Once the teacher understood that’s what was going on, she was able to pull him aside and share some specifics about the visit and what they would be doing; this did the trick, and he was fine with the visit.

Of course, as he’s grown, he’s become more comfortable with embracing uncertainty (last year, while he was nervous to study abroad for a semester, he went for it and ended up having what he described as “the best time I’ve ever had in my life”! The reality is we are all on a spectrum in terms of our comfort level with the unknown. A recent book by Maggie Jackson, Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure, explores this topic, arguing that embracing uncertainty can actually improve our mental state, help us grow, and increase our connection with others.

The reason for this is that when we are in a new situation, we often experience a good kind of stress. While leading a life that is constantly stressful is not good, a small level of stress is actually good for us. This good stress creates a situation in which our brain is more open to new data. This improves our memory and our attention span - we’re not on autopilot. Additionally, when we are uncertain about a situation, we are actually better at negotiating or arguing - being able to see other perspectives makes us better at explaining our own perspective. Annie Duke discusses this in her excellent book, Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts, as well.

Jackson elaborates on these ideas, saying that being uncertain slows us down, which is a good thing. Working slowly through dilemmas encourages us to uncover errors. In group situations, it encourages collaboration through what she calls “wakeful questioning.” Our groups are actually stronger when we don’t all think the same way. Uncertainty allows us to learn from these differences rather than hide from them.

And while it may seem counterintuitive, uncertainty can actually increase our well-being. Studies have found that people who are able to be curious, rather than fearful, about the unknown tend to have a higher tolerance level for stress. These people don’t shy away from uncertain situations but instead ask questions and explore, thus leading to more engagement at work and higher life satisfaction in general.

When I think about effective teaching and learning, this completely makes sense. When teachers act like a “sage on the stage,” simply spewing information out and asking students to write it down and later regurgitate it on a test, there is not much learning happening. But when students have to explore the unknown and lean into certainty, they develop important skills, such as resilience, collaboration, and creativity. It may seem uncomfortable, but it’s learning at its best.

My husband has told me a story about how when he was in eighth grade, there were two different U.S. history classes. In one class, the teacher simply copied passages from a textbook onto the board and expected students to “take notes” - I put this in quotes because if you’re simply copying from something else, you’re not really taking notes - determining what is important and organizing it in your mind. In the other class (the one my husband was in), they dove in and grappled with big ideas - creating their own civilizations and holding their own constitutional convention. This experiential learning allowed them to work together to ask questions, test ideas, discover flaws, and cement their understanding of the material. At first, he lamented that the other class was “learning more” because they had moved through the textbook more rapidly. As time went on and he spoke with students in the other class, he realized that the other class may have written more down, but they hadn’t truly grasped the concepts in the same way that his class had. The teacher pushed his students to lean into uncertainty, and this allowed for more learning to happen.

I love seeing this in action at Sandia Prep. I recently sat in on a seventh-grade English class where they were about to read some dystopian fiction. Rather than just jumping in and reading, the teacher first asked the students a series of questions about their thoughts on different motifs seen in dystopian fiction. Students asked clarifying questions to try to have more certainty about what she was asking, but the teacher purposely kept it vague so they could go deeper into their ideas. When our Outdoor Leadership Program (OLP) students prepare for trips, they have to embrace a certain level of uncertainty because you never know what nature may bring you. This pushes students to think differently, to explore a variety of “what-if” scenarios, and to be as prepared as possible for those scenarios.

Our seniors have the chance to create their own Senior Capstone Experience at the end of their final year, and we have been encouraging them to truly lean into uncertainty for this. We have some students who are traveling on their own for the first time; others who are creating things through welding, woodworking, and photography; and still others who are diving into professions that interest them, not knowing what they will find. Because they have developed some level of comfort with uncertainty over the years, they are willing to take risks and try new things, thus leading to experiences that will surely be meaningful and filled with learning. What a great way to finish their time at Prep. I know that the skills our students develop through truly embracing uncertainty allow them to achieve great things and have a real impact on their communities during their time at Prep and as they venture beyond our walls.

Empowering Students to Advocate for Themselves

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 05:00:00 +0000

Hello Sandia Prep Community,

Happy February! It is hard to believe we are already almost halfway through this shortest month of the year. I’m finding time goes by so quickly these days. I suppose it makes sense that as we age, time moves more quickly. When you are a toddler, a year is a good portion of your life lived so far, but each year we age, one year is a smaller fraction of our overall life experience.

I hope you had a wonderful winter break (it now seems quite far away!) and had the chance to spend time with your family and friends. I was just talking with some friends about how much we are enjoying our children as they become adults. This is not to say that I didn’t enjoy them before, of course! But I noticed over the break that my kids also seem to enjoy spending time with my husband and me more than they did when they were teenagers.

For instance, my mom gave me a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas, and a couple of days later, I sat down to work on it, assuming it would be a solitary activity. But my son gradually joined me, and over the next couple of days, we enjoyed each other’s company while also working on the puzzle. And the best part was once we completed it, he suggested we go buy another one. The other example is about hiking - my kids grew up in Colorado, where, like New Mexico, there are abundant hiking trails and places to enjoy natural beauty. When they were little, they were usually fairly game for hiking and camping, but as they grew older and became involved with other activities and friendships, their interest in going on a hike with their mom dwindled. But during the break, not only did they want to go on some hikes, they actually suggested it! I talk a lot about the value of small moments, and these small moments during the vacation meant a great deal to me because they were both opportunities to make my relationship with my kids even stronger.

Speaking of relationships, you’ve probably heard me say at least once that we at Sandia Prep believe that relationships are at the core of an extraordinary education. When our students develop strong relationships with their teachers, and with their peers, they are more able to excel at school. When they feel connected and known, they are willing to take risks, and this leads to developing grit, resilience, and joy in learning. And when kids feel supported and believed in by their parents, the possibilities expand even more.

We recently had a parent coffee at school, at which we discussed the book How to Raise an Adult, by Julie Lythcott-Haims. The author used to be a freshman dean at Stanford, and during her time there, she noticed that while her students were, on paper, exceptional, they often lacked basic skills, like using a map, mailing a package, or asking for help. She was at dinner with her family lamenting this fact, when she found herself cutting her 12-year-old son’s steak. She stopped herself and realized that she was setting her son up to be just like these students. So, she set out to do some research on how parents can best support their children and help them develop the important skills they need to leave the comfortable nest of home.

The result was the book I mentioned, and she has since given several talks and written more books. I had the pleasure of meeting Julie back in 2017 when she came to speak at the school where I worked, and I have found her insights to be incredibly helpful both as a parent and as an educator. I highly recommend her first book, no matter where you are in your parenting journey (and perhaps even if you aren’t a parent, so you can better understand adolescents and young adults you may come across). But if you don’t have time to read the book (and I know time is always at a premium), I found this quick primer, which includes some links to a Ted Talk and a video, to be very helpful.

In the linked article, Lythcott-Haims provides four parenting tips. She calls it her “‘Four… Three… Two… One…Go!’ Method,” and she works down from four. Because you can read the article yourself, I won’t go into too much detail here, but I’ll give you some highlights.

First, she goes over the four steps for teaching your child a new skill, moving from doing it for them through various stages until they can do it themselves. Essentially, you are leading them through the four stages of competence, a learning model that describes the psychological states we go through when learning a new skill. Lythcott-Haims created this great animated video that goes over the steps.

Next, she addresses three things parents should stop doing now. Essentially, they all have to do with being overly involved and rescuing our kids when we should instead be encouraging them to advocate for themselves.

After that, she reveals the two things that matter most in parenting: chores and love. When our children are involved in keeping up the household (through skills we taught them using the aforementioned four steps!), they learn the value of pitching in to contribute to the larger community. This work ethic will serve them well both at school and the workplace. Interestingly, the longest study of humans ever conducted (the Harvard Study of Adult Development) shows that those who were professionally successful in life did chores as a kid (or had a part-time job in high school).

Interestingly, I’ve been talking about this study quite a bit lately because the other thing it discovered is that the number one cause of happiness and long life (truly, I mean living longer than others) is positive relationships. It truly is all about relationships.

Now, love seems pretty obvious as the most important thing for parenting, but we need to be sure we are providing unconditional love. Unfortunately, without meaning to, we often show our kids conditional love (we love them when they’re getting the results we’re proud of), or at least that’s how it is perceived. But when we can show our kids that we love them no matter what (and by the way, this doesn’t mean not setting limits or letting them rule the roost!), we instill a confidence in them that will help them throughout their lives.

And finally, Lythcott-Haims introduces a one-week cleanse to get your relationship on track with your child. It involves having a conversation with our children, reinforcing their agency, and vowing not to ask/nag about anything for a full week. Again, the idea is that when we focus too much on results, we give our kids the idea that they are commodities, not humans. And they then believe that our love for them is conditional on these results.

Also, when we step in to solve their problems for them, we may think we are showing love, but that’s not actually the message we’re giving. Let me give you a scenario, and we’ll consider two possible ways it could play out. Let’s say your child comes home from school and complains to you about a rough day. Maybe they felt like a classmate was unkind, or maybe they thought their teacher gave too much homework or didn’t explain the parameters of the assignment well enough. Whatever the problem, our immediate instinct is to get on the phone or to dash off a quick email, trying to solve the problem for our kid. This will show our kids that we love them, right?

Wrong. What we actually show our kids is that we don’t believe they can solve their own problems; that they are helpless without us, their parental saviors, swooping in to rescue them. Let’s consider another scenario. What if, when our kids come home and complain about something, we instead say, “Hmmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmmmm.” And once we’ve really listened, we then say, “Wow, that sounds hard,” and then continue to ask open-ended questions and provide supportive words. Interestingly, when we give our students space to process their problems, they often begin to come up with solutions on their own, even at very young ages. We absolutely need to be there for them and to provide the scaffolding to help them solve their problems, but we aren’t helping them when we solve their problems for them.

We need to empower our kids to try things on their own. To make mistakes and realize that they can always try again. To advocate for themselves when things are tough. When school and family partner together to do this, we can help our students develop into strong, independent adults who are ready; no, not just ready; eager to take on the challenges of the world and to have a lasting impact on that world.